Courage!

This is the effluvium of emotions of a person who has to leave her love because of this unjust world.

There is no sun today. Its foggy. Probably the way my life is, or everybody thinks their life is. People are praying for the sun to come out, but its already out in my imaginative world- spreading its radiant arms over my body, inciting me with its warmth. I’m probably still in dreams, but I have to come out of it, open my eyes and face the reality, howsoever harsh it might be.

I start to draw my inspiration from the sun perched in my dreams. I do not love the beautiful rising or setting sun. I like the cruel sun, at its peak, at midday. There it shows that it had the talent to go up and has the courage to come down and come up once again the next day.

This reminds me of the altruistic moon. The most unselfish nature’s gift. It has nothing of its own to offer. It receives light from the sun as alms and that too it donates to the people on the earth, as insignificant as you and me, without keeping anything for itself.

There is a faint line of dark nimbus across the skies. People say the storm blows and dies, the flood gushes in and leaves. They are evanescent. I learn from them. Howsoever small their life may be, they fulfill their purpose and then leave. They shatter and annihilate all that comes their way pillaging their way towards their goal. The goal matters the most and as far as remembrance is considered, people do that for ages in their nightmares.

The nimbus has already made the trees start dancing to its tunes. Trees show how a relationship is made to be broken, how the people you associate with are the ones who leave you and go. The leaves start their life there-sprout, bloom and sway. The tree cares for it as a mother does for her child-food, protection and love, but what happens of the relationship? One fine day all of a sudden the wind comes and says lets leave and even without a goodbye the leaf leaves the person who has cared for it more than himself. Who thinks how the tree shall bear the loss, but it does and does not debilitate in the process. It comes out of it and prepares itself for another generation of leaves.

Somebody said you cannot derive inspiration from the nature because they cannot speak, but I think they are a bigger source of inspiration than us who can at least speak to give vent to our sorrows. Taking a real life example- when I had dropped a year for IIT. I used to attend tuitions and there everyday a beggar who was physically bereaved, had the same torn shirt on for all seasons, used to spread out his arm in front of me with that somber look. I would never even give him a nebulous glance, but he persisted. There was not even the faintest glitter of hope of receiving even a look of sympathy from me, leave aside any penny. He still persisted and at the end, on the 365^th day I gave him Rs 365.

Why then despite so many examples I cannot learn from them. Why then is it that I cry for every loss, give lachrymose performances foe every dolour. Why then I cannot bear not living without one person-who’s thoughts, actions and words tirade my soul. Why then are my parameters for judging a person dependant on the characteristics of that guy. Why cannot I take in things without thinking about him. Why do small things afflict me. A mosquito crying initially generated the response-“switch on the good night”. Now the acrimonious response is–“kill the bastard”. Why is it that I look for a coffin when I smell of flowers.

Who gives me the right to say I cannot come out of this. Why do I demand to forget my own responsibility towards the whole world as I become answerable to just one person. Nobody. I don’t have the right to spoil other’s expectations from me to coerce myself to come down correctly on one person’s expectations. I don’t have the right to take my life. If not for myself I have to live for my dad who even when I was a kid, held me in his arms-not affectionately but as you display a prized trophy, up in the air. Things change, but change is natural and I do not need to change here. Rousseau said freedom is the power to choose our own chains and I decide to desert this chain. I shall get up and be what I always dreamt of being- a girl of poise, belligerent and filled with oodles of attitude and I think by writing this article I have already started doing so!